Welcome, formerly known as 'Salford Swim Swim'. This is a Manchester blog about running and swimming and random stuff. Oh and mental health, it is good to be mentally healthy. Which we of course are not.......so if you're not too then check this out.........Moodswings

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Fat Muscler

Today marks the 60th day of training preparation for the Great Manchester Swim.

And my total weight loss - between 0 and 3 pounds depending on if I have taken my earrings off before I have stepped on the scales. I dont think they are very accurate but then I don't think I have lost much weight, instead I have cleverly converted it into muscle in a bid to swim proper fast.

So I am now a fat muscler.

I'm not happy that I haven't lost weight, well because I have worked mighty hard over the last 2 months and thought I might have lost a bit more than nothing. Honestly, in the past I have lost more weight after having a really big wee than I have with all this training.

But then I do have freakishly muscley arms for my standards and I have one of those big muscles just above the knee like what them footballers have.

I don't recommend this to anyone, I become a little obsessed when I start something and inevitably end up on crutches or sobbing into a chiropractors spongey table whilst they try to put me back together again. I'm a real life humpty dumpty.

So here it is - my training log for the last 2 months:

13 swims, 3 of which open water yes I know I am training for a swim and therefore should be swimming more but call me a shallow bitch but I just don't like getting my hair wet.

4 runs with a pretty poor total distance of 17km

but then here's the real impressive bit - a whopping 46 exercise classes including -

2x legs, bums and tum classes.

Verdict - I haven't felt such arse pain since I fell off a rope swing onto a pile of broken brick in 1989.

I have only just discovered this class but will return quite simply for the soundtrack in class. We call our instructor 'Motown Man'. Which kind of makes him sound nice but really he is a sick sadist who hates your body.
22x Body Combat classes.

Verdict - There isn't anything in the world that can make me sweat like this. Though I am not sure if this is because it's dead hard work or because I am bad in love with the instructor.

4x Aerobics classes.

Verdict - Not for the uncoordinated, I have had a couple of my toes amputated from grapevine miscalculations.

Sweaty mind, very sweaty.

Actually, while we're on the topic will someone please explain to me what the f$£k is a grapevine? I always thought it was a Marvin Gaye single used to hoodwink women into bed.

6x Body Pump classes.

Verdict - This does really give you additional strength and tones you up like nothing I have ever known before. It also makes it hard to fooking walk anywhere for 3 days.

Not advised for people who have to climb stairs on a daily basis.

1x Beginners Spin Class

Enough said.
3x Yoga classes.

I really haven't done enough of these. Mostly because it would mean missing episodes of the 'Big Bang Theory'.

Though I shall be staying away from the 'Life Yoga' classes as I actually think I dislocated my ninny.

And finally, 8x Zumba classes.

Verdict - I think it's time to retire from Zumba as it is nothing less than an exercise of humiliation for me.

It hurts when your mate spends most of the lesson bent over double laughing at your boobie shakes. Especially when you haven't got much boobie to shake.

I don't think I sweat enough to make it worthwhile.

Oh and 1x abseil off my office block. I am sure that fear is a calorie burner cause I sweated more during that than Pete Doherty in a custom queue.

Now, I am too tired to write anymore. Only 2 more days of training & 4 days to the swim with a bit of Stone Roses dancing in between

Sam out x


  1. okay these pictures are SO funny

    1. Why thank you. Your blog is pretty, I love your font. Peace out x

  2. maybe you havent's shed any weight but managed to replace some fat with muscle. that is considered healthy after all


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