Welcome, formerly known as 'Salford Swim Swim'. This is a Manchester blog about running and swimming and random stuff. Oh and mental health, it is good to be mentally healthy. Which we of course are not.......so if you're not too then check this out.........Moodswings

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Fat Muscler

Today marks the 60th day of training preparation for the Great Manchester Swim.

And my total weight loss - between 0 and 3 pounds depending on if I have taken my earrings off before I have stepped on the scales. I dont think they are very accurate but then I don't think I have lost much weight, instead I have cleverly converted it into muscle in a bid to swim proper fast.

So I am now a fat muscler.

I'm not happy that I haven't lost weight, well because I have worked mighty hard over the last 2 months and thought I might have lost a bit more than nothing. Honestly, in the past I have lost more weight after having a really big wee than I have with all this training.

But then I do have freakishly muscley arms for my standards and I have one of those big muscles just above the knee like what them footballers have.

I don't recommend this to anyone, I become a little obsessed when I start something and inevitably end up on crutches or sobbing into a chiropractors spongey table whilst they try to put me back together again. I'm a real life humpty dumpty.

So here it is - my training log for the last 2 months:

13 swims, 3 of which open water yes I know I am training for a swim and therefore should be swimming more but call me a shallow bitch but I just don't like getting my hair wet.

4 runs with a pretty poor total distance of 17km

but then here's the real impressive bit - a whopping 46 exercise classes including -

2x legs, bums and tum classes.

Verdict - I haven't felt such arse pain since I fell off a rope swing onto a pile of broken brick in 1989.

I have only just discovered this class but will return quite simply for the soundtrack in class. We call our instructor 'Motown Man'. Which kind of makes him sound nice but really he is a sick sadist who hates your body.
22x Body Combat classes.

Verdict - There isn't anything in the world that can make me sweat like this. Though I am not sure if this is because it's dead hard work or because I am bad in love with the instructor.

4x Aerobics classes.

Verdict - Not for the uncoordinated, I have had a couple of my toes amputated from grapevine miscalculations.

Sweaty mind, very sweaty.

Actually, while we're on the topic will someone please explain to me what the f$£k is a grapevine? I always thought it was a Marvin Gaye single used to hoodwink women into bed.

6x Body Pump classes.

Verdict - This does really give you additional strength and tones you up like nothing I have ever known before. It also makes it hard to fooking walk anywhere for 3 days.

Not advised for people who have to climb stairs on a daily basis.

1x Beginners Spin Class

Enough said.
3x Yoga classes.

I really haven't done enough of these. Mostly because it would mean missing episodes of the 'Big Bang Theory'.

Though I shall be staying away from the 'Life Yoga' classes as I actually think I dislocated my ninny.

And finally, 8x Zumba classes.

Verdict - I think it's time to retire from Zumba as it is nothing less than an exercise of humiliation for me.

It hurts when your mate spends most of the lesson bent over double laughing at your boobie shakes. Especially when you haven't got much boobie to shake.

I don't think I sweat enough to make it worthwhile.

Oh and 1x abseil off my office block. I am sure that fear is a calorie burner cause I sweated more during that than Pete Doherty in a custom queue.

Now, I am too tired to write anymore. Only 2 more days of training & 4 days to the swim with a bit of Stone Roses dancing in between

Sam out x

Friday, 22 June 2012

Paula Radcliffe on injury


"My advice to runners whose training is held back by an injury is to focus on what you can do. Eat the right things to heal faster, get the treatment and do the rehab religiously. Pour the frustration into the cross-training and don't forget the power of the mind too. Regularly visualise yourself back from the injury stronger and faster."

Paula Radcliffe never gives up. She's my hero.

And if all else fails, there is always anti-inflammatory gel which is (for me) brilliant. I have taken way too many ibruprofen tablets over the years and this is more topical for when my shit bits start to swell up like a fat kid in a cake shop.

Obvs check with your quack first it's okay to use. 

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Sweaty gym pants


Yes, we are lapsed bloggers. There are three reasons that I have decided to post after a long break.

1. A very nice first aider from work recognised me from the blog and told me she read it as she herself was training for a sporty charity event. This made me feel all warm and funny inside and had a glimpse at why people like being famous. It also made me a little embarrassed and feel a bit weird like someone had just looked in my knickers drawer.

2 & 3. I've been contacted twice in the last week by people promoting exciting type sporting events. Which made me think people still read the blog even though Kath and I don't do anything to update it at the moment.

So here we are, I kind of have forgotten how to blog. I think I just used to write down wingey mutterings with poor grammar and punctuation - I don't see why I should change now.

You're probably wondering what the above photo is about, this one of my two gym bags I have on the go at the moment. I have to have two because I have been working so bloody hard and training near daily, it smells like a warm crappy nappy and I can't even remember what it's like to wear pretty clothes.

So since we've been away here's an update about what Kath and I have been doing.

1. We still sit next to each other at work which is unproductive and annoying. Roles have been reversed and Kath is now the lazy one whilst I have been training like Wayne Rooney high on Viagra in a Nursing Home. Kath still fancies me, I spend all my day feigning off her advances - it's tiresome. She has been especially enjoying me sing Jimmy Nail to her all day long today.

2. Kath went to a Kayaking event we were invited to last night - post to follow. YES Kath, I have put it up here now so you'll have to post you lazy cow.

3. Despite said training (see point 1) I am still fat and Kath is still skinny despite eating chocolate fucking digestives all day whilst I have to constantly wipe sweat from my cracks from all the body combat classes I have been doing.

4. We are both swimming in the Great Manchester even though its actually in Salford Swim again a week on Sunday.

I would ask Kath to put up a training post but she hasn't done any apart from cycle to work yesterday which she only did cause it was cycle to work day and she could get some free shit, including a full english breakfast.

The final photo is an example of what I have to sit next to each day, this is Kath smiling cause I  came into work with a short skirt on. She loves it when I do that.

Peace out

Sammy x

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