How the f$%k did this happen? I know I am not massive but I am swinging a rather large bingo wing in this photo. What you cant see in this picture is the pile of people I knocked to the floor with the fecker.
|This is my intervention picture|
I know how I got fat - I have been eating Iceland buffets, mice pies, sausage and egg butties and 6 plates of food at a all inclusive buffet. Yesterday, I had had a bumper size bag of salt and vinegar twirls, a sausage and egg butty, a massive yorkshire pudding and a mince pie.
I just can't help it, I like putting bad stuff in my mouth***no jokes please***.
And of course I've not been running. This whole fat business has kind of snook up on me. So I ran 3km with Lego man in the freezing manc weather with a hangover on Sunday. It it was kind of nice cause there was all these crispy ice sheets that made snapping sounds when you ran over them.
I felt a like turd after, I could'nt seem to clean sambuca off my teeth, I had a red ring round my diaphragm from the size 14 dress I poured myself into.I had a bad case off 'the fear'. I didn't think about allowing eating room before I put that dress on and after 7 pints of vodka, a whole baby lamb and chocolate pot I was busting at the seams.
And worst of all I spent most of the night trying and failing to do the running dance.
So I here by pledge to lose a stone in the New Year, yep I just made a stupid resolution. I hate NY resolutions, they are pointless but if don't stop eating soon I'm going to have to get driven into work on a forklift truck and I'll need a part time nurse to come and clean and dress my bed sores.
On a lighter note, check this out.....months of fun. Every house should have one. I think he looks a little like a melting wax work in this photo.