I've been spending a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, and really quite fancying a drink, over the last couple of weeks. Not that I'd have one, I know I can't, but I wouldn't be human (and I am, very) if I didn't sometimes get the urge to pour myself a glass of something very delicious indeed and carry on drinking until the world stopped.
|Me so drunk I thought I was dancing with a chicken|
The thing with drinking is that the gratification is almost immediate. The thing with running is it's bloody hard work to start, and then to keep on going.
I did manage to drag myself out of my ball of self-pity yesterday evening and got out there in my trainers. It was raining (that really wet rain that soaks you through), it was blowing a gale (I nearly got blown into the canal in fact) and it was going dark. And I ran 7k, and felt better than I have in a while. Particularly when I was home and dry, with a bottle of alcohol-free lager in my hand.
While I was running I remembered something that Tom from Moodswings had said to me nearly a year ago when I was still drinking and we were discussing the possibility of me stopping. I was blethering and whingeing on about self-medicating depression with alcohol and how things felt so much better when I'd had a drink. "Yes" he said. "Alcohol works. It works, and you feel better, quickly. But if you had a headache and the doctor offered you a pill that would take it away for a few hours, but would make it come back, only much worse, the next day, you'd tell them you wouldn't bother." Well he said it better than that, but that was the general gist. Have I mentioned that Tom is a mental health genius? Anyway, I remembered how I felt back then, and suddenly even the thought of getting through now with a drink in my hand is a complete impossibility.
So all I have to do now is get the motivation flowing again. No worries. I have a Yule Yomp 10K to train for. And a Great Manchester Run in May. And possibly a Great Salford Swim next July. And a Morecambe Bay Swim (because they don't just take your money when an event's cancelled. Oh no. They generously give you a place on another fricking event. Oh good.) And, most importantly, there's Sam's 5K Personal Best to beat. Watch out Bolton Parkrun - here I come, and I will be fast, and I will run and not walk at all up that bloody hill the second time. One day.
Or I suppose I could follow some of Sam's useful advice and guidance. This includes buying a new dress (can't have too many new dresses) and "doing something with my face" (cosmetic surgery?) so I can pull an unemployed writer at the blog awards. Thanks for that one, Sam, just what I need.
Another suggestion is that I "get zen, man". She's practically burning incense sticks and practising yogic flying round the office. And if she mentions it once more I'm going to staple her face to the desk.
|I have a stapler, and I am not afraid to use it.|