Welcome, formerly known as 'Salford Swim Swim'. This is a Manchester blog about running and swimming and random stuff. Oh and mental health, it is good to be mentally healthy. Which we of course are not.......so if you're not too then check this out.........Moodswings




Monday, 12 September 2011

I hate treadmills

It is touch and go to whether I will be able to run because of injury. It is so fricking frustrating but it could be worst - I could be dead.

The good news is I got out for a run yesterday, I went the gym. I tend to find the treadmill a bit less stressful on the old bod though I hate hate hate it. Everything about it, the smell, the running belt covered in dried sweat pools, having to wait ages for one then having some snotty bloke snort loudly to indicate that he thinks you should get off so he can get on - even though I've only been on for 15 minutes and then he gets on and walks for 2 minutes before getting off?!?!. WTF - why get on a frigging treadmill to walk for a couple of minutes? Here's a tip mate, walk to the end of your road and back and save yourself 20 quid.

I know how you feel mate
I hate it when people look at your treadmill statistics, you can spot them doing sneaky side glances to see what speed you're at and how far you've gone - I can feel their eyes judging me and I don't like it. I like to ruin their fun by covering my screen with a towel or a magazine, cause I am a grumpy gym goer.

I hate the mirror the most, there is nothing worse than having to watch yourself run and see the sweat wash off your make up revealing a face like a blind cobblers thumb. There is nowhere else to look though, if you look at yourself you look vain to other treadmill folks, if you look down you lose balance and if you're like me you wont be able to read either cause you bounce about so much you cant focus on anything. Recently I have found myself staring at one spot - at the top of my thighs. I get to imagine them getting smaller (which they of course don't, if anything they get shit loads bigger) and this way it doesn't look like I am admiring my own reflection. I am more likely to vomit or run out begging for botox if I catch a glimpse of myself rather than look admiringly.

Stupid treadmills, and they're dangerous too but that's a story for another time.

The 5km I ran was slow, boring and pointless (pointless because you don't run anywhere or see anything and therefore it takes the only bit of enjoyment out of running). What makes it worse is I drove there, how embarrassing is that - driving 1.5km each way to run 5km on one spot. It was necessary though, I drove in case my hip and knee became too painful to run or walk back home - which has happened before.

Oh yeah and check this out, I told you running was dangerous. I wondered why my foot was stinging and felt sticky. Don't look if you get spooked by blood.


Despite this I am well happy (though I guess it doesn't translate well here). I'm just super happy I was able to run. Its been over a week and I have definitely lost muscle, my legs look more like lady legs now which is nice but also not great because I could do with that muscle to hang around for just one more week.

I know this is a trick though and I must not fall for it, I think I am okay and then I get back on it then the bitch of a hip or the slaggy knee start giving me jip. So I am going to take it slow and hope that it keeps me ticking til the big day.

Dear body,

You are such a cliche, getting all these common repetitive running injuries.

Please, please behave yourself this next week. We have had some hard times of late and I know I have been asking a lot of you but if you could just chill the fook out for the next week or so I promise I will go back to the Doctors and get you one of those cortisone injections you like so much. I might even buy you a present? How about some nice tights? Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you. If you're really good I'll even think about putting some fake tan on you and making you look as pretty as can be for next Sunday.
I am probably definitely going to buy these
If you don't I am going to slip into a depression, hit the booze, stop shaving my legs, start wearing  trackie bottoms and buy myself a shop mobility scooter. 

laters

Sammy x

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