I’ve won a competition! I’ve never done that before.
It is a Warrington half-marathon competition, and to enter you had to “tell Paul and Mickey in a maximum of 100 words why you should win the prize. Send them your inspiring and challenging stories.”
So I told the enthralled Paul and Mickey that I used to drink, and now I don't, and that I'm 40 and haven't done any running before. I can only assume they didn’t get many entries (there are 12 winners), or that they felt sorry for me.
Anyway, Paul and Mickey play for Warrington Wolves, which is a Rugby Team – I know because I Googled it this morning. One of these poor blokes will now be trying to train me over the next few weeks. I’ll also get some training gear and something to run in on the day. I wish I’d known this before I did all my shopping, but hey, you can never have too many new clothes.
This is going to mean more trips to Warrington than I expected to have to make in my lifetime. I guess I'd better get some tips from Sam on how to speak to the locals. That's if she ever speaks to me again when she finds out about this.
I'll also be invited to parties before and after the run. I don't think they provide clothes for these, so I'd better start shopping. And pray they serve alcohol-free lager. Actually I can think of nothing I would like to do less than go to parties with people I don't know in Warrington, with the possible exception of circuit training which is, by the way, torture run by masochists.
And here is my very complicated Chicken Stirfry recipe.
Chop up some chicken and fry it in a wok. Chuck in some pre-cooked noodles, a sauce of your choice (they're 29p a throw in Home Bargains - I have enough for about 6 months if I eat one every day), some Lazy Chilli and half a bag of pre-prepared veg per person. It is actually very sensible, and not at all feckless, to buy these when you're cooking for one, cos you get lots of different types of veg and don't waste as much.
Stir it a few times until it's all hot then put it in a bowl. Serve with alcohol-free Chardonnay.