Training has been intense this week. Resistance training being the key, I single handedly flooded most of Somerset in order to trudge. Trudging is a tried and tested technique, it involves dragging your pissed up legs through sticky shitty mud for 8-12 hours at a time without possibility of a seat or rest. There is of course the occasional reprieve when your welly gets completely stuck and your foot comes clean out giving your trotter a few seconds of blissful airing before you drop the fecker in the mud.
Trudging does carry risks, as this next photo will demonstrate. This is me after a particularly stressful trudge from the sacred circle at 5am. Fortunately I was pretty well anaesthetised at the time.
Obviously carbohydrates are essential when in training, this weeks culinary delights have include the following.
Chow mein is my particular favourite, I feel it the more sophisticated flavour of the pot noodle series, it is after all an international dish.
Though I have been known to dabble into the occasional beef and tomato. But that just feels filthy, there is a reason why the pot noodle is known as the 'slag of snacks' and that's solely down to beef and tomato.
Then of course there is endurance training, it is important to maintain a steady level of intoxication throughout the day and night in order to be on form for some midnight shape throwing in the silent disco later.
These two are my bitches, they carry the cans, which incidentally I also use as weights. Lifting them up and down to my lips throughout the day, I am talking about the cans now not the bitches. I wouldn't lift those two up to my lips, no sir. Though I did kiss one of them once, in 1995. I was wearing black lipstick, he an undercut. I was drunk, he was drunk and never has that night been repeated.
Then there is the hill training, here's me walking down a hill. Inevitably I had to walk up it again but don't feel to sad for me cause that tent you see has more cans in it. They also sell blue WKD - immense.
What was that I hear you say? It doesnt look steep - check this out. That wasn't even the worst bit either!
This was my least favourite hill, ask my hips what they thought of this hill and they will tell you to F.O.A.D.
This hill, i ran up this hill because I was about to piss myself (literally - I wasn't laughing). Right at the top behind those flags, that's where i ran to in a desperate bid to relieve myself before pulp did their secret gig. Secret that wasn't so secret clearly because 30,000 turned up and ruined my date with Jarvis and forced me to run up this big hill to wee.
Then I ran here (see more running) to listen to this. Now this was damn epic, on a scale of immenseness that I cannot begin to describe. I then did some more training via the medium of dance. Check this out, I was one of these people going bonkers - more calories burnt.
So as you can see, it was a productive few days. A boot camp of sorts. This time I managed not to wee on myself, end up on crutches, lose my mind or my phone - for a change.
Peace out x
p.s. Kath - in your last post you reference your jumper. That is not the worst offender in that photo, what is that hat?!?!?!?!?!? Novelty festival hats make me sick.
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